A Space for Parents to Understand,& be Supported, Through the Complex Feelings that can Arise When Your Imagined Parenting Future Is Ruptured due to Infant Sex
Many parents experience what has been commonly called ‘gender disappointment’.
Today, we understand this as a form of RIF — the Rupture of an Imagined Future.
When the experience specifically relates to your baby’s sex, we can call the experience RIFis (the Rupture of an Imagined Future due to Infant Sex “RIFis”).
RIFis describes the complex feelings that can arise when your imagined parenting future is ruptured because you have not given birth to a chid of the sex you had imagined, expected and hoped for.
You might be thinking, “I imagined having a boy” or “this was my last chance for a little girl,” and so, are experiencing emotions like confusion, shame, grief, anger, or loneliness and despair.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This space exists for you.
Hello, I’m Dr Nina Francis
When I experienced what was then called ‘gender disappointment’ but we now know it as RIFis. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, it was horrendous, and undoubtedly changed my life. I decided it was simply not okay that parents were feeling all the really difficult, complex and overwhelming feelings of 'gender disappointment’ yet were being left to do it completely alone. No scientifically backed information and research to draw on, no care pathways for those who were suffering, nothing. My experience of RIFis hit me hardest about 10 years ago. And from then, all my research and passion to ignite the conversation and provide support to those who experience this phenomenon, has led to the creation of this website, the RIFis Pathway Courses, podcast, community space, and soon to be published book. I am committed to bringing research informed support to parents and education to health care professionals.
And you are so warmly welcomed to this space, it has been created for you.
What My Research Tells Us About How ‘Gender Disappointment’, Now Understood as RIFis Can be Experienced…
Why 'Gender Disappointment', Now RIFis, Can Feel So Hard
For many parents, ’gender disappointment’ which is now called
RIF-IS is about far more than just sex. It is often connected to:
An imagined parent–child relationship
Your sense of identity as a parent
Cultural or family expectations
Past experiences or longings
Your love for a child you've held in your heart for many
years but who has not been born
These feelings and experiences are often not shared, even when
the parent is really struggling and wants help. That’s why we are
here; to make space for these conversions and understanding,
together with others who understand.
A Place to Understand and Reflect
Here, you are invited to:
Access information and resources to help with what we now call RIFis, but have called ‘gender disappointment’
Explore your emotions in a way that makes sense
Connect with other parents who understand because they are walking the same path
Find language for feelings and experiences that are hard to get hold of
Support for Parents Who Are Experiencing ‘Gender Disappointment’,
now RIFis
If you’re struggling with thoughts like “I wanted a boy” or “I need my daughter”, you can find support here. This space can help you:
Understand when and why these feelings arise
Connect emotions to your lived experience
Reduce shame
Develop tools and strategies to support you for those times when e.g. someone tells you they are pregnant, or you need to walk thought the baby girls/boys clothes section in a shop
How We Support You
Small-Group Course
Our welcoming small-group course offers support for parents who want to:
Explore their experience of ‘gender disappointment’
Understand some of the emotional patterns behind what we now call RIFis rather than ‘gender disappointment’
Build skills and strategies to better navigate the overwhelming ‘gender disappointment', now RIFis, emotions
You’re Welcome Here
If you’ve never spoken about your RIFis, previously known as ‘gender disappointment’ feelings before, that’s okay.
If you’re unsure what you need, that’s okay too.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. Support and understanding are here for anyone navigating ‘gender disappointment’, now RIFis.